my heart sank the moment i read her message. i was helpless. i wish i could make things better for her. the most thing i could do is to hear her out as she spilt her sorrows.
i just feel like ranting out my feelings out which i've kept within myself.
hari raya aidilfitri is approaching. that day was the very day that i agreed to be his. it could
be our third year if we followed the muslim calendar. yes, he might think that the number 3 is insignificant but it did matter alot to me because we went through thick and thin together and to get that far, it could be pretty amazing.
as he shared his problems with me, did it ever cross his mind that he was actually hurting me? i wanted very much to hurl profanities at him over the phone when he first texted me. i gave in, telling myself, it wouldn't kill to be nice. he complimented her for her good deeds and that infuriated me a little. frankly speaking, i was tearing and tried my best to remain composed. i wouldn't want to seek sympathy from him anymore. he was saying that his term break was here and that he felt depressed.
yes, azfar. i felt shattered simply because i treated you way better than she did. i was there for you when you needed me by your side. i was there for you when you were ill but you were busy flirting with the nurse. i was there when you had fever, if you recalled, i was the one who gave you your medicine and put a cloth on your burning hot forehead. i was there for you every single night, ignoring the fact that i was exhausted after long hours at school, tutoring you for your maths, printing out the materials just to ensure that you would do well yet you ordered me around like i was your maid. i wanted to be there for your matches, travelling all the way to jurong just to see you in action to give you my support. all you did was regarding me as a jinx. i was injured at that point of time and i couldn't even bothered about it. i forgave you for the countless beatings and even though you repeated your mistakes, i waited patiently for you to change some day. i skipped school just to spend quality time with you and you didn't even accompany me to the polyclinic but when you had your haircuts, i didn't mind waiting.
and then you left me all alone. you ignored my messages. i had to celebrate my birthday all by myself and did my exams with a huge hole in my heart. i responded to your messages even though you've hurt me to such an extent. i don't know how to feel azfar when you told me she was the love of your life. then why did you come to me to talk about all your problems? if she's the one, where the hell is she when you need her? why am i always here, willing to hear you out? why am i always there when you need me? why didn't you do the same for me?
where were you on my birthday? where were you when i need you by my side? where were you when i'm sitting for your exams?
your term break is nothing compared to my big a levels. you care? if you do, you wouldn't hurt me. you are screwing up my life after all the sacrifices i did for you. you need not ask about my preparations for A's because we both know i'm going to flunk it.
you left when you're happy and you came when you're sad. i have feelings too. you've changed for the better and i'm proud of you. just fulfil this wish of mine, don't bother about me anymore, don't bother on how i'm coping with my life.
yes i cried. i cried when i heard that you're crushed. there's nothing i could do. you have no idea.
i wish you well. i can't possibly hate you because i love you more than you ever realised. you don't see it but one day you will feel it. the best thing i could do is to forget you. do your part by not appearing again in my life. i've forgiven you long time ago. mean it when you made the decision to go. i know you wont feel a thing even after reading this simply because you are heartless and oblivious to what i really feel. i'm sorry for everything though. i have to move on too. thanks for the memories. thanks for the love. thanks for everything.
a long post. just to put an end to everything.
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