how hard life could get?

i'm having a mental turmoil. zen is right. in fact everyone is right, i'm not making any progress in life.

i questioned myself these:
what can i do to make you love me?
what can i do to make you care?
what can i say when it's all over?

they say seize every opportunity you have in life. i have no idea why i'm not given the second chance. you chose her over me. a harsh reality i've to accept. you let me go but why is that my legs feel so reluctant to walk out from your life? i have no idea why you've said that you don't deserve me. it's that just an excuse because deep inside you knew i've forgiven you eons ago and i'm willing to start anew.

why did i act so brave and smile when inside i'm shattered and trembling? why did i have to lie to myself that everything's going to be okay when i'm back to square one? why must i be the one who is forced to move on and love another guy when i know that's impossible?

she dazzled you. i could read that from your eyes. i wished i was the one you're complimenting about. i wished my love was strong enough to touch you. i wished my tears are meaningful enough to win your heart. i wished all the efforts i've put in would make you return back. have i really given my best? i wished you were here because i need you like i always do.

why i live in despair?
the last thing i could do is to let you find your true happiness even though every single step you take cuts me so deep. katy perry's song kept rewinding in my head: thinking of you.

less than 2 months to A levels. give me the strength. i need a miracle. i'm going to be on hiatus.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GFS: KARTHIGA AND SYRA :DD